I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
