with your own penis?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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