Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
