Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
