I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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