R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this beer tastes like vomit already
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
