No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
