He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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