he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
