you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
