I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
