.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
