I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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