she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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