I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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