If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
