Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
