Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
