I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
