Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
