You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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