Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
