What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
