90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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