I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
