Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
