pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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