I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
