KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
