Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
