they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
