you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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