well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
