i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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