Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Bring me that man meat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
