Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
