I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
