Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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