My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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