i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
