How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize