wanna go halves on a baby?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
