just tell him i said nine months
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
