thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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