saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
