So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
