I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
