We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
