he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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