So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
