I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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